Addressing public concern after the death of a 27-year-old man from Craigieburn while in police custody, a Victoria Police spokesperson stated that the official cause of death was simply the “cessation of life,” but the organisation was resigned to wasting some months pretending to further look into the matter if it reassured “paranoid snowflakes” that the police are, in fact, the “good guys.”

The spokesperson criticised commentators for politicising the man’s death by questioning the reasons for his detention and the circumstances in which he died.

“Matters of life and death should be the subject of ontological, not disciplinary, enquiry,” the spokesperson added.