Addressing a press conference after a woman was shot dead by an ICE agent in Minneapolis a few hours earlier, United States Secretary of Homeland Security, Kristi Noem, stated that the ICE agent in question had acted in self-defence after his fragile ego had been decimated by a broad talking shit to him and refusing to get out of the car when he asked, despite clearly observing the agent packing heat and the balls to teach her a lesson.

Noem further added that the agent had also been almost bruised as the woman he shot tried to drive past him to safety, lightly brushing her car against his body. Consequently, the agent had to see a doctor. The doctor has certified that the harrowing experience could have almost hurt his body as much as it has shattered his “tough-guy” pride, if he had managed to jump in front of the car. According to the Department of Homeland Security policy, this qualifies as a close enough call, justifying the use of lethal force.