A 31-year-old self-described “Australian patriot” in Perth attempted to “live up to the legacy” of Australia Day by throwing a homemade explosive device into a crowded square in the heart of the city’s main shopping mall, during an Invasion Day rally on Monday, 26 January 2026.

Unfortunately for the man, the lack of ethnic friends, who would have been statistically better equipped to produce an improvised explosive device, meant the bomb failed to detonate. 

Given the absence of any harm to the statues of Australia’s former imperialist overlords from the incident, law enforcement agencies were keen to let the man off with a “stern warning,” but after “being incessantly nagged for about two days,” agreed to “waste time investigating the matter, despite there being zero chances that it may repeat itself before a year.”

This, however, achieved little to placate the Aboriginal people targeted by the man, “who are still stuck up on things that happened hundreds of years ago.”