In light of the significant surge in misogynistic and abusive conduct toward women following Trump’s election to a second presidential term, Iran’s Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei announced at today’s press conference in Tehran that Iran will offer asylum to any American woman seeking to escape “the indignity of living under a Trump presidency.”

In response to criticisms of Iran’s abysmal treatment of women, Khamenei said it was fundamentally misguided to draw a moral equivalence between the two nations’ attitudes toward women.

“Iran’s approach toward women’s rights and freedoms is dictated by its strict observance of the doctrine contrived by an all-powerful, self-proclaimed messiah who married multiple times, was an avant-garde admirer of the elegance of youth despite associated taboos, declared himself their “protector,” stipulated appropriate gender roles, imposed sensible restrictions on women’s bodily autonomy, and whose followers appreciate that all desirable women must get hitched early in life and celebrate their role as givers of life. In stark contrast, the currently prevalent US philosophy toward women is simply a reflection of a narcissistic chauvinist’s treatment of women,” Khamenei clarified.

Khamenei further noted that, in addition to escaping the abhorrent mistreatment and denigration that a second Trump presidency promises to unleash, asylum in Iran also offers freedom from the constant objectification of the female body and the unrelenting pressure to maintain one’s figure that is glamorised in American culture.

Iran has also promised an expedited path to citizenship to all American women with expertise in nuclear physics or experience in the construction or operation of nuclear weapons research and development facilities.