U.S. President Donald Trump announced during a press conference on Friday, 16 January 2026, what he described as his “genius” solution to the United States’ healthcare crisis: a national coupon service intended to give Americans access to medical care at “unbelievably discounted rates.”

“It’s like Groupon for medical services, but better. We are calling it the ‘Trump Care-less Plan: the best healthcare in the world, for less,’” Mr Trump elaborated.

“I am simply amazed at how lucky Americans have been with my presidency. The same president who has ended eight-and-a-half world wars—for which I recently received the Nobel and FIFA Peace Prizes—eliminated all crime in the country, boosted the American economy with ‘tremendous tariffs’, and resolved the affordability-hoax crisis has now delivered the ultimate solution to America’s longstanding healthcare dilemma.”

“As you all know, every U.S. president has grappled—unsuccessfully—with the challenge of devising a healthcare plan that delivers effective medical services to all Americans. None of those presidents could ace the cognitive tests that I have aced—three times now. The Trump Care-less Plan will unlock unfathomable savings for all Americans: 900%, 10,000%—numbers so high, even I can’t imagine them yet.”

Though he failed to provide any details about how or when the Plan would come into operation, or how its economics would work, Mr Trump confirmed that “the Trump Care-less Plan will include a mechanism allowing the use of loyalty points accrued through the purchase of any Trump merchandise.”